Trevor Noah said “it doesn’t bother me” if people see him as a “loser” for being single and unmarried, and that truly resonated with me.
Stefanie Keenan / Getty Images for Oliver Peoples
The former Daily Show host opened up about his relationship status on a May 2 episode of his What Now? with Trevor Noah podcast, and as someone 35 years old and single for almost 10 years, it spoke to my experience.
Craig Barritt / Getty Images for Spotify
Trevor, 40, was once romantically linked to Minka Kelly and Dua Lipa, but he’s been fairly private about his personal love life until now.
In the podcast episode, Trevor was joined by Rhaina Cohen, the author of The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, to discuss a “society where marriage isn’t the only committed relationship we rely on and makes the case for profound emotional friendships.”
@rhainacohen/instagram.com
Trevor first made it clear “it doesn’t bother me at all” if people see him as a “loser” for being single and unmarried. “Society has deemed me a loser whether I like it or not,” he said.
Stefanie Keenan / WireImage for Vanity Fair
“Being married is like you’ve served,” he added. “There’s a certain honor that comes with it. If you’ve never been married, there’s this weird thing that people do to you where they treat you like you’re not a serious person in life.”
Mike Jordan / SXSW Conference & Festivals via Getty Images
From my own experience, it can happen. As Trevor claimed, there’s “a little bit of ostracization” for people who reach a certain age and are still single or not in a committed romantic relationship.
Whether or not it’s your pestering parents or curious friends, when you reach a certain age, it may feel like folks begin to question why you’ve remained single, unmarried, and on your own for so long.
“So many things in society that are based around the plus-ones,” Trevor continued, referring to the culture of weddings and major events where only “spouses” are allowed to attend.
Rodin Eckenroth / Getty Images for W Magazine
“I’m like, ‘This idiot got married six months ago. They don’t even know this person, and you’re going to tell me that I can’t come with my best friend, who I can tell you every intimate detail about?'”
Kevin Mazur / WireImage for Vanity Fair
As the conversation progressed, Trevor pointed out that a committed and strong relationship can exist between people besides your married partner. He noted that sometimes, “the most significant others in your life are your friends.”
Kevin Winter / Getty Images for The Recording Academy
Personally, whether it’s long-lasting childhood friendships, chosen families, or peers you built a strong connection with over the years — I feel sometimes it’s necessary to allow these relationships to hold equal, if not more, value than someone you call husband, wife, or partner.
“There’s something romantic in this idea that we should be diversifying the portfolio of our emotions,” Trevor said, referencing the value of committed friendships. “Sometimes they yield benefits, and sometimes they add value to my holdings.”
Kevin Winter / Getty Images for The Recording Academy
Reflecting on his memoir, Trevor claimed, “One of the great discoveries of my life” was realizing that “I did not need to be good at every aspect of friend-making. All I had to do is find somebody who wanted to be my friend who was really good at that element.”
Amy Sussman / Getty Images
Now, I mean no shade to folks who found their best friend in their partners in marriage or romantic relationships. It’s beautiful, and who knows what the future holds for people like me? But, for now, let’s take it easy on us older, single, unmarried folk.
And perhaps let our best buddies be our plus-one, sometimes?
And finally, as Trevor said in the podcast, “Obviously, there is no one way to live life.”
