I want to raise something critical.

I want to talk about Promise Makunyane, or someone like her—a woman who famously began her public life with the strong proclamation, “My husband this, my husband that.”

She once appeared on my podcast, and she made a very specific, carefully worded statement regarding the sanctity of her marriage.

She said she would never leave her husband simply because he was cheating.

I am going to repeat her words exactly.

She said, “I will not divorce simply because my husband is cheating.”

She clarified that she would not “stand for nonsense,” but she was clear on the issue of infidelity.

She stated, “I am not saying I am not going to divorce at all.”

“But if it happens, you must know it is not because of cheating.”

“There is no way I’ll leave my husband because of cheating.”

She never stated she would never face the challenges of divorce.

She never said she was immune to the difficulties marriage entails.

She merely said that if her divorce did happen, it would be because of something else entirely, not infidelity.

And that is a belief I resonate with personally.

I will never leave my husband because of cheating.

I didn’t leave my previous relationship because of cheating.

Even if infidelity was present, that was not the reason I walked away.

I left because of other reasons, not cheating.

So, Promise, wherever you are, I personally have your back, and I love you.

I love how you embraced your marriage.

I do not care whether you have divorced or not; I don’t even know the facts.

But I love you.

I love how you embraced your marriage so fiercely.

I love how you loved your husband loudly for the world to see.

I don’t care about the outcome, because nobody gets married with the intention to divorce.

Nobody enters a marriage with the goal of failure.

The status of her marriage is not my business, but I remember a point in my own life when I was with my ex, and I said to him, “I love how Promise is loving her husband, how she’s standing firm.”

I personally will not bash her.

Even if she is divorced, I will not criticize her.

I won’t use this alleged downfall to attack her character or her past statements.

I hope she finds love again.

If this is true, I hope she gets married again, and I hope she embraces her next marriage with the same confidence and love she showed before.

It is truly disappointing and heartbreaking to see how many women are celebrating this downfall.

I say ‘downfall’ allegedly, because I don’t have all the facts.

But to witness us, as women, celebrating the misfortune of another woman is profoundly disturbing.

What is fundamentally wrong with us as women?

The argument I hear is, “Oh yeah, but she once said she will never divorce.”

And so what?

So what if she is divorced now?

She made that statement at that particular time, and she had her own valid reasons for believing it.

Why does her divorcing—if she has divorced—make you so happy?

Shouldn’t you be reflecting on yourself, questioning if there is something deeply wrong with your own spirit?

Reflect.

Does her divorce make you any happier, truly?

To think that her divorce means the end of her life should be a very sad reflection on you, the observer.

Even if she got divorced, her confidence is still intact.

She has succeeded in ways that many critics have never succeeded.

And the failure of her marriage, if true, will not make you any better of a person.

We need to evolve into a place of maturity where we understand that people do not need our permission to outgrow other people.

They do not need permission to outgrow old patterns, or to outgrow things that no longer work for them.

Even if that means a divorce.

All it requires is for them to be couragemous enough to make difficult decisions that serve their well-being.

We must take this moment to reflect on why we would be so happy that this alleged misfortune has happened to her.

It demonstrates how many people watch influencers and content creators with overwhelming envy.

There is this malignant mentality that says, “We want to see where she will end up.”

“How dare she walk so confidently?”

“How dare she does this? How dare she does that?”

There is a large segment of the fanbase watching from a very unhealed place.

Laughing at another woman’s wounds or scars will not heal you.

You need to find time to heal yourself so that you do not celebrate someone else’s misfortunes.

There is something inherently wrong with that spirit.

“Oh, she once said she will never get divorced.”

“She once said this, she once said that.”

Yes, she did.

And she has moved on.

You are still stuck there.

What is it about what she once said that is so crucial to your life now?

What are you gaining from clinging to her past statements?

You are still stuck at what she allegedly said in 1956.

So you think holding her accountable for something she said years ago is going to give you joy?

What is wrong with us women, honestly?

Surely, we need to call this out publicly.

It is not okay.

You cannot watch someone else, hoping that she will fall, and when she falls, you even upload a video talking about, “Yeah, where did she think she would end up? She once said this! Haha.”

How does that situation serve you, the individual woman laughing?

All you do is watch that woman.

She is a trailblazer.

She is so interesting that you are perpetually watching her life, and you fail to see that your own life is stagnant.

You are wasting your time and data watching that woman when you could be changing your own life.

You could be healing your own traumas.

You could be becoming a better person.

But all you do is cling to: “Yeah, but she once said this.”

It made sense for her at that time, and it makes sense for her now to change.

She doesn’t need your permission to evolve.

She doesn’t need any permission to make the decisions that serve her and her life.

While you are laughing, looking at her, you fail to realize that she is still herself.

She is still a brand.

She will continue to evolve, and ironically, you will continue to make her relevant through your hatred.

You cannot rise through someone else’s downfall.

When you have no light of your own, you will always wait for theirs to be dimmed.

And when you declare their light dimmed, you will not even be able to take over, because you have no light to shine to begin with.

That is the true problem.

We need to heal.

We need to heal so much so that we become embarrassed to say things like, “No, now she’s divorced. She thought she would never be divorced.”

Nobody needs your permission to live.

We share our lives on social media because we choose to.

The stories and vulnerability we put out there are meant to heal those who are receptive to healing.

We realize there are always monitoring spirits, and once they think something is wrong, they are going to celebrate, just as they are celebrating right now.

But we need to heal this kind of spirit—this pervasive spirit of women thinking they can bash other women by citing their past words.

There are certain things I say that are going to hurt certain people.

And even though it might sound pompous at that time, maybe I would apologize later, or maybe I am unaware of the harm.

But often, it lands wrongly on people who refuse to heal their own wounds.

We need to do better.

We need to change.

I am so disappointed at this public reaction.

Many people would be dancing and saying, “She thought she was better.”

“She thought she could speak about polygamy.”

Let me tell you: I could divorce for my own reasons as well.

And when I divorce, I am still going to go into polygamy in another relationship, if I choose.

One thing about me: if ever something happens to my current situation, I will go into another marriage.

If you argue, “Oh, but that’s not culture!” I say: it will make sense at that time.

Whatever I am saying right now is relevant right now, between me, my husband, and my sister wife.

It makes sense, and I am living my life today.

Should something happen, I am not going to sit in a situation that no longer works because you guys decided to put me in a certain standard.

I didn’t ask you guys to idolize me.

If I make the choice to change my life, I will do so, and I wouldn’t even look back.

Some of you guys need to understand that you idolized this woman, perhaps because you yourself have failed, or because you wished you were better.

Those who idolized her thought she was not human.

She is also human, too.

Let’s do better.

The choices that we make are solely from a place where we thought they made sense at the time.

And if we change our minds, it is okay.

We don’t need permission from anyone to change.

But you do need, however, to reflect on yourself.

How can you celebrate someone else’s downfall?

You will never, ever rise from that place.

We need to heal and do better.